taking the passive out of passive-aggressive

Sunday, August 07, 2005

Accomplished this past weekend:

1. Conquered the mall! I hate the f*in' mall, but I made it through okay, despite shaking and foaming at the mouth. The children now own unbelievably expensive Stride-Rite shoes--the expense is justified by the little labels inside which say "Toddler Tech!" If it's TECHNOLOGY then hell, it's worth $50, right? I think the Stride-Rite woman just got to me at a moment of weakness, 'cause Bee was screaming so loud I'd have bought pretty much anything. Including striped socks. Which I did buy. How did that happen?
2. The Panda now has a haircut. While Panda sat nicely in her chair at the Cartoon Cuts, some poor little toddler boy was getting his hair cut and screaming the whole time. And I do mean nonstop, piercing screaming. Panda's hairstylist looked like she was about to march over and smack someone upside the head, and then proceeded to tell me how incompetent this other hairstylist was--"I mean for the love of God that child is only a year old and she needs to HURRY UP, what is WRONG with that woman, it's all snip-snip-snip, for god's sake take a buzzer to the child's head!" Regardless, after her haircut Panda felt beautiful--and subsequently found an admirer at camp. She claims this boy "only likes me for my looks" but I think it's more than that. (She also claims that the boy is somehow "in her social circle"--and that's a quote--but she won't explain how.)
3. The house is now clean. Well, it was. Now it's full of wet towels and other people's books. But it was clean, I swear! You can almost still smell the Method counter cleaner--almost.
4. Learned how to do 3-combo tricks in Tony Hawk Pro Skater, and annoyed the Panda greatly in 2-player mode. She still beat me--I'm working on the head smack. I'm beginning to believe I can actually skate. Luckily, though I beg Panda to bring her skateboard over here, she wisely refuses. "Mom, you can't skate," she says, in the same tone of voice she uses when she says "Mom, you know nothing about fashion." (Which I don't actually, even if I did used to be cool.)

And now onto next weekend. Next weekend, what delights do you hold? Patio powerwashing, some mac and cheese, a whole afternoon at the pool? The delights will be too much to bear!


At 8:21 AM, Blogger chang said...

Hello, Sailor.

Re: The Mall: You gotta go in with a plan. Especially with the 2 kids in tow. Otherwise you are fucked. They get the better of you and before you know it, you end up spending $65 at BuildABear without even remembering it.

In other news, I am drinking again. SO you see, Al Qaeda has won. But Jon Ashcroft hasn't.

Sorry, I just like to see my name in print.


At 8:44 PM, Blogger The Educated Eclectic said...

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