taking the passive out of passive-aggressive

Friday, May 20, 2005

Star Wars and Me: A Chronology

1978: Heard on the nursery school playground that Star Wars was cool. (Even then, overly influenced by the ill-considered opinions of boys.) Drag parents to the Church Lane Theater, in Timonium, where we sat through an interminable hour(during which I whined) until my parents decided they'd had enough, too. I knew that the movie was gonna be bad as soon as those yellow words started scrolling--BORING!--but stuck with it anyway because I felt like I should.

1980: Now that I'm seven and not that babyish five year old any more, I go see the Empire Strikes Back. Started to feel less alienated from my peer group because I kinda liked it--mostly because of the muppets. But I liked Raiders of the Lost Ark way better.

1983: (Just so you know, I had to look these dates up on IMDB.)Ah yes, Return of the Jedi. I have no memories of seeing this movie and yet I know I did, probably repeatedly, because I remember it fairly well. Is it possible that I absorbed the entire movie through some sort of cultural osmosis?


1991: An early date with the man who would become my husband. "You don't like Star Wars? What are you talking about?" We spend an evening in my parent's basement watching it while he tries to point out the reasons I should be into it. It was exactly like the way deadheads say "Oh, man, you don't like the Dead? Oh, you just never heard the Red Rocks '77 recording" and then you have to sit there and nod and pretend like you're into it because they're so clearly smitten. And yet you find no redeeming value whatsoever in the whole thing.

1997: My baby is being nannied by the Hairy Godmother, aka Tim, my BFF and a lovely man all round. At the end of the workday I come home--every day--to find them watching one or another Star Wars tape from the collection. Amanda in her saucer, staring raptly at the screen, while the cheesy dialogue turns her brain to mush. She had also been given a Darth Vader coin bank, into which she delighted in putting pennies. "YOU ARE NOT A JEDI YET!" the bank would exclaim at all hours of the day and night. I removed its batteries eventually.

1999-2005: This "prequel" shit comes out. I think that out of obligation I actually watched "The Phantom Menace" and found it so intolerably horrifyingly bad that I didn't actually force myself to watch that next one about clones. Honestly, I couldn't even follow what was going on. Who were these people? What happened to Natalie Portman since she was so great in "The Professional"? Oh, so unspeakably boring! I was proud that after four movies, I finally realized that I didn't HAVE to watch Star Wars movies any more if I didn't want to. I didn't have to be clued into that part of the culture at all! No one cares if I know who Palpatine is or when exactly he became bad!

Although I have to admit I do quote Yoda from time to time, but only that one line--"Try? There is no try. There is only do." (It's worth noting that Yoda and Mr. Miyagi from Karate Kid are the exact same character, but whatever, that was a good quote. As was "wax on, wax off!")


At 4:22 AM, Anonymous Master Yoda said...

Silly Earthing you are, hmm?

Do, or do not. There is no try.


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