taking the passive out of passive-aggressive

Sunday, May 22, 2005

It's time for me to own up to what's been going on here at the Home of Dismay. I thought about this for a long time, whether to write about this, and finally decided that I have to, because otherwise I can't write about anything here with even a semblance of honesty.

My husband and I are about to separate. I have discovered that when I tell people this, they have a lot of questions. So for you, dear readers, I have prepared an FAQ to answer what I find are the most commonly asked questions about the impending breakup of the Home of Dismay. Please excuse me if the answers are a bit brusque, but some of the questions I've been getting are, I think, rather impertinent.


Q: Do you feel sad or happy about the separation?
A: Both. But I've done my crying and now I mostly feel relieved.

Q: How am I supposed to react to this news? I want to be supportive, and yet I feel sad.
A: That's okay. Just say "If there's anything you need, let me know."

Q: Is the separation amicable?
A: Yes. My husband is my BFF and always will be. We love each other a lot, but can't live together.

Q: Have you told the children?
A: Yes, although The Queen didn't understand a word we said. The Panda is taking it remarkably well and wants to have a yard sale and decorate her new bedrooms.

Q: What brought this on?
A: If you don't already know the answer to this question, it's probably none of your business.

Q: What does this say about marriage as an institution?
A: Nothing whatsoever.

Q: Will you keep the house?
A: No. Unfortunately, we will have to move to a less eccentric, less ritzy neighborhood.

Q: Is there anything I can do?
A: The husband will need a cheese grater, a vegetable peeler, and a new TV. I will need dining room chairs and a bed. We were considering starting a "divorce registry" at Target but thought you all might think that was tacky. Other than that, babysitting is always much appreciated.

Q: You seem a little bit emotionless about this. Why aren't you a giant wreck?
A: I was a giant wreck for about a year. I just didn't tell anyone but my therapist. That has passed, and now it's time to be calm and clearheaded and organized, because all that matters now is doing this the right way, for the children.

Q: What about counselling?
A: While I appreciate that you are trying to help, I am not actually asking for any advice about my marriage. But thank you for the suggestion.

Q: Are you going to be okay?
A: Yes. I'm going to be just fine and so will the kids. If you are a Friend of the Husband, though, please be sure to give him a lot of love and support.


At 7:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

gee, wow, i'm sorry/supportive. i have/had this picture of your life, you know? makes my day looking for pants at the mall seem even more inane. you don't have to publish this. take care.
(M - Catonsville)

At 7:14 AM, Blogger chang said...


Spent alot of time hoping it wouldn't come to this. And I can't say I am surprised. I'm always saddened by the demise of a marriage of two good people, especially friends. I am so sorry. Well, I hope in the separation you both find what you want and need.

Let me know if I can do anything to help either of you.

At 11:04 AM, Anonymous tbtine said...

having known absolutely so little about your life as a whole, I guess it goes without saying that I'm belatedly kerfuffled on your behalf.

truly, and not just because you said so, if you need anything, PLEASE let me know. I know I'm not in the sanctum sanctorum of friends (or even acquaintances for that matter), but this is a genuine offer.

At 5:45 PM, Blogger dogfaceboy said...

I am truly sorry about the state of things, but I have to applaud this healthy and loving and dear blog entry. I imagine that you are lucky to have each other, in any capacity. Good luck, Claire. Kiss your bigger daughter for me and Serena.

At 7:12 PM, Blogger sweetney said...

you know i'm here for you. anything, anytime.

At 10:33 PM, Anonymous Andy said...

Wow, I don't know what to say. Stunned. The memory of your wedding is still fresh and moving.

Even though we've been out of touch, please let me know if there is anything I can do. Together or separated, you are two of the best people extant and I will always be here for you.


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