taking the passive out of passive-aggressive

Saturday, October 30, 2004

Those damn SUV drivers--every time I think I've got their number they change up on me. First it was the flags, then this summer, it was the OBX stickers, and now it's the yellow ribbons! Gigantic yellow ribbons--well, sometimes they're red, white, and blue--and they say things like "Support Our Troops."

It's an innocent-enough sentiment, really--who doesn't want to support our troops? They're ours, after all, and they're troops too, so it would be downright bad not to support them. If you said, hey, I don't support the troops, you'd be some kind of Jane Fonda, wouldn't you? And everyone knows that except for that embarassing aerobics video, Jane was OVER once she stopped Supporting The Troops. (She was hot in that Bond movie, though.)

And yet I can't help thinking that maybe these people don't REALLY support the troops. Like maybe buying tons of gasoline at a time from states that support terrorism and inurgencies in Iraq is maybe, um, not exactly helping. But to suggest such a thing would be to suggest that one's own neighbors are, shudder, unpatriotic. And we can't have that. None of us is unpatriotic, right? United States Uber Alles!

So you go, SUV drivers. Paste those ribbons round the old oak tree. Make sure everyone knows that you've got one hand driving your tank, the other on a cell phone, and your mouth around Karl Rove's cock. (BTW, I cannot even believe i just typed the phrase Karl Rove's cock. You know I'm going to get a million google hits on that one, right?)


At 7:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

for a while, i hoped they were lance armstrong things, like his yellow wrist bands... now i prefer to hope that they're a very insidious way of painting a target for the cruise missiles...


At 3:54 PM, Blogger chang said...

Claire, my dear, the plethora of SUV baiting is quite hilarious when you read this backwards. How is the CRV now anyway? :)

You know, if you own a car, you're supporting the terrorists, but at a few less gallons a time. What one should really get pisssed about in regards to SUV driving is the car manufacturers and the people who know not how to drive a ginormous fucking truck. Ever rolled one? Me neither, but I bet it's not as cool as it sounds.

Still, the Volvo XC90 is fucking gorgeous. I'd bang Condi Rice for one.

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